WHY HAVE A PREMARITAL AGREEMENT OR PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT?
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• Clear understanding of how you'll handle finances before you get married;
  
  
• Talk out tough issues in advance;Protect your assets and income;
  
  
• Protect your education, efforts and ideas;
  
  
• Protect your new spouse from your debts and obligations;
  
  
• Assure your new spouse and your children from a prior relationship that they'll be protected if you get divorced or predecease them.

• Why would I want a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement if I'm not rich?
  
  
• Why would I want a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement if I am wealthy?
  
  
• Can a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement protect my children from my first marriage? Or my new spouse from my children from another relationship?
  
  
• What if I am the fiancé with less money? What's in a premarital agreement or prenuptial agreement for me?
  
  
• What if we just live together and don't get married?

Ask yourself why you're reluctant to consider a premarital agreement.

If it's because of the myth that premarital agreements are designed to only protect the wealthier spouse and strip the other spouse of all of his or her rights, understand that this is only a myth. Premarital agreements which are unfair and completely one-sided are probably not enforceable in court. Cal Fam Code Section 1615.

If your reluctance is only based on myths about premarital agreements, we'd encourage you to at least discuss your fiancé's request for a premarital agreement before simply refusing to talk. Listening to your fiancé's request or concerns is not the same as agreeing to do whatever he or she asks. Start the dialogue.

If you're reluctant to consider a premarital agreement because you think your fiancé intends to be unfair to you, you're concerned that your fiancé won't marry you unless you do what he or she says without concern for your feelings, or you're concerned about troubles in your relationship, pre-marital couples' counseling may be helpful. You'll want to put these fears and concerns to rest before you get married.

Consider this quote from the Nolo Press book Prenuptial Agreements: How to Write a Fair and Lasting Contract (Nolo Press2004):

"While a prenuptial agreement may not seem like a very romantic project, working together to consider and choose the terms of a prenup can actually strengthen your relationship. After all, marriage is a partnership in every sense of the word. Learning how to deal respectfully and constructively with each other about finances is a benefit in itself. So even if you conclude that you don't need a prenup, using this book can help you converse with each other about the important-and sometimes challenging-financial matters that are sure to arise in the course of your marriage."

"When you marry, you make what you expect and hope will be a lifetime commitment to be there for each other in every way. Your prenup should support and reflect the spirit of partnership with which you approach your wedding vows."

Please take a look at: Some myths and truths about premarital agreements

The mediators at Peace Talks Mediation Services can give you a counseling referral if you'll call us (310) 301-2100, or send us an e-mail: mediator@peace-talks.com.

Couples' counseling can be very helpful, especially if it's difficult for you and your fiancé to talk about important issues.

We think that it's important to have the tough discussions about married life before you get married, not after. Will you have children? Practice a religion? How will you handle your finances? When do you want to buy a house? Couples' counseling can be very valuable in helping you put these issues on the table and start to sort them out. A neutral professional counselor can work with you to help you make sure you're both on the same track, and that you respect each other's differences.

We're mediators, and while some of the mediators who work at Peace Talks are also licensed therapists, mediation is not the same as therapy. While mediation can be therapeutic, it isn't therapy. If you come in for mediation and we think that counseling would be helpful, we'll make that suggestion.

The Peace Talks Mediation Services office and mediators can give you a counseling referral if you'll call us (310) 301-2100, or send us an e-mail: mediator@peace-talks.com.